Hearing the Call

Many people have asked me: what made you decide to become a missionary? My response varies in length but has always been something like this: I didn't decide.... God did. I just answered when He called.

Last week marked the one-year anniversary of me hearing that call-- originally on November 4th, 2010.  I can't believe that it was only a year ago! Here is a journal entry I wrote a couple days ago in reflection of that call--- thought it might be interesting to put something a bit more reflective up here!

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Journal entry from November 8, 2011

It's November 4, 2010: I sit in the darkened chapel at Blessed John XXIII parish in Fort Collins, CO. It's nearly a month until graduation and I have no plan of what I'm doing afterward. Not just a temporary plan, but a long-term one. In this time of big life decisions, I feel the weight of nothingness begin to converge on me. What am I doing with my life? What is my plan? How will I live it out in full? My heart cries out to Jesus for direction. I realize that anything I end up doing would be empty if it weren't for Him and His desires for me. I begin to feel a burning in my chest—or maybe in my heart. I feel the strength of God's love for me and ache at the restlessness others feel from a lack of His love. I ask God how this might be quenched. I ask Him what He desires of me, how I can fix it. 

The thought of being a missionary comes to my mind again. Initially brought up as a joke to some friends, I feel it start to take on a new meaning in my heart. "Not I Lord," I say. "I am not called to this—-I'm sure of it. You desire people who are without fault, who have been doing this for awhile. I am still young in my faith—it can't be me." I feel prompted to read through a meditation, chapter 1 of the book of Jeremiah. And this is what the Lord says to me in response:

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you. “Ah, Lord God!” I said, “I know not how to speak; I am too young.” But the Lord answered me, “Say not, ‘I am too young.’ To whomever I send you, you shall go; whatever I command you, you shall speak. Have no fear before them, because I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord.—Jeremiah 1:4-8

Lord, could you truly be calling me to this? Is this what you have planned for my life? My heart begins to soften and I feel warmth from within swell up. Initially it feels calm, but it starts growing into a burning desire to serve Christ this way, to reach God’s people in the depths of their heart and help call them out of darkness into great light. I feel relief at this great excitement—this great joy inside me. If this is what the Lord is calling me to, I know it will bring me joy, because I will be fulfilling His plans for me.

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It's truly amazing how much changes in a year. I never thought I'd be where I am today, but I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else! Thank you all so much for supporting me in this call and helping me to find this joy in my life! May my "yes" inspire you to say "yes" to the joys God is calling you to in life! 

~Emily